Necrophilia means never having to say... well, anything.

I'm stepping on lettuce.
A fan at a Dream Theater show, 1/4/98, after drummer Mike Portnoy threw a vegetable platter at the audience

The truth hurts for a moment. A lie hurts for a long time.

I missed my wife so much, we had twins!
John Petrucci, giving a guitar clinic, explaining the inspiration behind one of his songs

Vinegar and salt?!? That's not a potato chip flavor! That's a douche!
Anonymous CS classmate

Heisenberg may have slept here.

Q: How many PROLOG programmers does it take to change a light bulb?
A: False.

There is no reason anyone would want a computer in their home.
Ken Olson, president, chairman and founder of Digital Equipment Corp., 1977

Computers are useless. They can only give you answers.
Pablo Picasso

In theory, there is no difference between theory and practice. In practice, there is.
Yogi Berra

The sooner I get behind, the more time I have to catch up.

Grub first, then ethics.
Bertolt Brecht

Is god willing to prevent evil but not able? Then he is not omnipotent. Is he able but not willing? Then he is malevolent. Is he both able and willing? Then whence cometh evil? Is he neither able nor willing? Then why call him god?
Epicurus

It looks just like a TeleFunken U-47. You'll love it.
Frank Zappa

Tuning a Mellotron doesn't.
Robert Fripp

No try! Do, or do not. There is no try.
Yoda, The Empire Strikes Back

I am amazed at radio DJ's today. I am firmly convinced that AM on my radio stands for Absolute Moron. I will not begin to tell you what FM stands for.
Jasper Carrott

A metaphor is like a simile.

If some is great, then more is better.
Ted Nugent

Who the hell is Ted Nugent?
My mother

The one who dies having used the most natural resources wins.
Dave Bryan

See no evil. Hear no evil. Date no evil.